I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
