Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
