9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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