Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
