Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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