he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
