why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
