im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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