Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
