My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
