now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize