also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
