he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
