whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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