He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
