im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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