He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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