I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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