Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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