you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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