ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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