I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
