First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
