Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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