You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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