That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
