At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
