If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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