I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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