After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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