Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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