Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Say something about gay babies.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize