It's Friday. Sex?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
COCAINE IS GR8
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
