There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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