Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
