goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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