How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
