there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
