I CAN MOONWALK!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
