ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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