you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
