Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
