Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
