good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
