We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
