The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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