Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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