well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
