Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
