Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
