he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You can't special order awesome
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize