I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
