so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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