FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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