There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
