then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
