Kareoke will never be a sober sport
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
home. puking in laundry basket.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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