Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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