how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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