What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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