im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
