Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize