He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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