I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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