So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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