a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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