does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
