Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
