dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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