Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
