are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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