I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
