I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
