last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
