A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
