I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
