There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
