Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
