Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
