I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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