i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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