Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
