why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
