We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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