babies were throwing up all over the place
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
