i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
