I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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