i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
