guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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