im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
