does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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