I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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