her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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