I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
