If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
