Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
