I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
