Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
