i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
