90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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