i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize