All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
