Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
