We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
