my vag is so smooth its legendary
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
