A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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