I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
