On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
