I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
