Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
