Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
